The past couple weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. Every emotion in the book has come to surface and it’s not only overwhelming, but exciting. Well, some are exciting – I wouldn’t say that writing unit plans are all that wonderful. However, I’ve had so many ups and a few downs.
It’s annoying that I’m in education classes when my final career goal isn’t really in the education area. In a way, this is the best way to get to my final destination of being a Child Life Specialist. However, it’s irritating because in that job, you don’t write unit and lesson plans. You don’t have the NYS Standards to memorize, you have other unique files that specialize in child life. Also, I’m not doing that well in my classes this semester and I’m truly trying to the best of my ability to do better. Yes, I do miss classes (which is something I MUST work on), but I do well with assignments – all but tests and quizzes. I fear my history and psych classes because all they look at are tests and quizzes. That’s not my strong point – so what do I do?
Not all of the emotions experienced have been negative. I will not publicly dive into my personal life (I don’t want to jinx it) because if you care to know – talk to me. Yes, there’s someone on my mind and yes I like it. However, my anxiety takes over when I don’t want it to and it’s hard to stop it. I begin to wonder if I’ve done something wrong or if I’ve done anything right. The smallest things can make my day when something else can quickly ruin it. I hate how my mind works sometimes. I wish I could climb into my brain and stop it from worrying and growing paranoid about the stupidest things. I know I’m better than that, so it’s something I MUST work on. However, I have a problem of looking negatively at things that make me happy because I always expect the worst to happen. Therefore, I will remain content and happy, but not get my hopes up until something concrete gives me a reason to.
I NEED to find time to edit and write. Obviously in the mist of unit plans and psych labs, I have no time for myself and that kills me. I want to start writing my query letter to agents and dissecting the first three chapters of Noon to a T. Yet, if I have no time to breathe, how do I find time to write?
On that note, I’m doing pretty well (if you can believe that). The last two weeks have upped my energy and motivation and I just hope a low isn’t in the works anytime soon. However if one is, I’ll deal with it well and look forward with a positive, confident grin.