Reality is a scary place.

Reality scares the shit out of me. Seriously, it does. There’s too much murder, suicide and death.  It seems that everyday, you turn on the television and see another shooting in your city or another murder nearby.  People are dropping like flies and it’s so frightening.

I lay at night afraid to close my eyes because what if I’m next?  I know it sounds silly, but I blame myself for watching Criminal Minds and Law and Order all the time.  Those shows are great to watch because they get you into the mind of the killer and usually the killer is found which makes you feel that much better in the end.  However, not everyone is found. Not everyone has a reason for doing what they do.  Some people just kill and shoot people out of pure spite which scares me that much more.

Just knowing that Jenni Lynn Watson was murdered a couple towns over, scares me to the core.  Her signs were posted everywhere and week later, she was found dead near a swamp – her boyfriend murdering her.  This all happened within fifteen miles from my house. It’s scary that in any town – this is possible.

Why do such bad things happen to people that don’t deserve it?  I started off unlucky – going through childhood cancer before the age of one. Then came my parents divorce, being cheated on, my brother’s death, my aunt’s death and hell, even the death of my dog.  People go through these hardships and wonder why us? Again, it’s the question of why that holds us all down. We wonder why awful things happen in our world and why we haven’t gotten the ability yet to stop them from happening.Will these awful things every come to an end?

Still, we can’t live in fear day after day and that’s something I still work on constantly. I am a generally happy, bubbly person and I like living each day with that genuine spark. However, reality will hit me across the face and put me into a zone of terrifying thoughts (aka my anxiety and paranoia).  Yet, even with all the murders and shootings that happen day after day, we need to realize that we are alive.  We are here for a reason and we cannot ask why about that – we must live on.

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