Putrid green, butt shoes and amish leprechauns.

I love the center where I am doing my Field Period. Jowonio is a childhood center for children with special needs and without. Each classroom has some children with disabilities and every child gets amazing opportunities to help with those needs and support them.  The center has special rooms for OT, PT, social workers, speech pathologists, assessments and even an art studio and gym. This is all in a center that goes up to Pre-School. I have never seen so many opportunities at the centers I have worked at in my past. I was placed in the ‘Sunflower Room’ which is a pre-k classroom.  The students are amazing and the schedule and setup is one I have never experienced before.  It’s such an impressive place and I truly cannot wait to learn more. I also hope that this stupid winter weather doesn’t get in the way of my traveling. The only difficult part is waking up. However, they have coffee brewing all day long which is more than satisfying!

I am one confused little child when it comes to men.  I guess a lot of girls can say that, but I feel as though I have been on a rollercoaster all of my life when it comes to relationships or friendships with guys. I have come to realize that when your heart is fully focused on someone, it’s hard to pull that focus away.  No matter how hard you try to ignore that pull, it always leads you back in the dangerous direction.  It isn’t that I don’t want my heart to be there, it’s that I don’t want to get hurt. He’s hurt me before and I’ve allowed myself to get hurt more than enough times.  I don’t deserve to feel that pain again and no one should have to. The only problem is: what do you do when you like where your heart is leading you, but the path is uncertain?  Where do you go from there?  Do you follow the rocky path or turn around and try to build a new one?  The problem is, I think my path would lead right back to the original.

‘Noon’ is still being edited and I am dying to read the feedback.  Until then, I have been typing up addresses to agencies from Writer’s Market and planning to send out the envelopes and emails.  This must be the worst part about being an unpublished novelist.  I sit there typing down the addresses and as I do so, I look at what they want to see in a new manuscript.  I see everything that ‘Noon’ is and fear that it still wont be enough. However, that’s the thing with this industry – you never know.

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One thought on “Putrid green, butt shoes and amish leprechauns.

  1. Jenni-
    i completely understand that paragraph about the rollercoaster. it sucks doesnt it? im right there with ya. and i dont think that we’ll ever be able to figure it out, to be honest. but the hardest thing to weigh out is, what hurts more; not allowing your heart to try loving another, or getting hurt from letting it do just that? tough times my friend. keep writing. 🙂
    -d

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