bruised wrist, bruised thoughts and a bruised heart.

One of the hardest things to comprehend is love.  I’m not saying is has to be the sort of love that comes from a relationship, but love in general – love for friends, love for family, love for your passion. Of course, the love that comes from a relationship with someone you care for seems to be the kind of love that’s hardest to mend – especially when you feel more for that person than they feel in return.  So you try to hide your emotions with an awkward smile and walk the line just a little bit longer… until you snap.  Until you can’t fight the unfairness any longer and have to learn to move forward. That’s the toughest part about love, you sometimes have to walk away from it even when you want to hold it close.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my brother and what it would be like if he were still here.  If I could call him when I’m in the lowest of lows or when I need a good laugh.  If I could visit him and explore Baltimore with him one last time, climbing up Barnes and Noble for a coffee. If I could get mad at him one last time for saying something I didn’t like or didn’t approve of.  If I could just hear him laugh.  I miss him more and more everyday and it’s tough for people to comprehend it – especially if they never knew him and are not walking in my shoes. He was my hero and for my hero to disappear, it’s like a boulder falling on your life and your still trying to find a way to move it.

So, even when I’m feeling low or upset, I need to remember what really matters.  It’s hard to always think positive in such a negative world, but we have to try out best.  I have friends who care.  I have dance and writing.  I have a family who are more than supportive.  I have my brother and even though he’s not physically here, I know he’s walking beside me – helping me put one foot in front of the other.

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2 thoughts on “bruised wrist, bruised thoughts and a bruised heart.

  1. Jenni– your writing truly inspires me. I saw you post this link up on facebook over break, and since then, I’ve been inspired to read it like no other. You’re an extremely strong girl! You can do it– Just keep your head up! He’s with you in spirit, just like my hero as well ❤

  2. I am with you on the missing Matt…. I so often feel his presence and I know he is lending us some of his strength and he wants us to use it…. and yes he is telling us to move forward with a positive attitude. We can do it!

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